Hey, it's me again and I had better warn you now, I am having a really bad day.
Nobody reads this blog, so I don't really care if what I write pisses people off. I am going to sound really pathetic for the next 10 minutes, but at the moment, this little blog I have is the nearest I have to a friend right now. And whilst I realise that you can't talk back and offer me reassurance, a supporting shoulder to cry on or even give me a bloody good slap for acting like a complete dick, it's still nice to know that I can vent to something, even if you are essentially an imaginary companion.
Oh my God, I am 36 and have just realised that the nearest thing I have to a confidant, is a laptop and a blog screen. My life truly is pathetic.
I feel I am very close to admitting that my experiment in whether I can change my life for the better is nothing more than a failure. As is everything I try and do.
Do you ever have that feeling that you were put on this planet for a reason? I used to, if I was to be honest, I still do, but I am starting to suspect that my only purpose is for people and life to use and abuse me for whatever they can get, and then when they're done bleeding me dry of everything I can offer, they fuck off and leave me wondering what the hell is going on.
My head hurts!
I'm finding it really difficult at the moment to put into words just how it is I am feeling. In my head it feels like there is nothing but chaos and entropy. I am having serious trouble making sense of things.
Is this what it feels like to lose your mind?
Is there anybody out there who can help me, please????
I hate feeling like this, I really do, but I have no idea what I can do to make things better. I feel like I am nothing more than a burden, a pain in the arse. I don't mean to be, but I am so frightened right now.