Monday, 1 December 2014

How I'm using something I hate to motivate me with something I love....

Hello future me

I know I say this a lot, but it really has been a while since I have written here.  A lot has changed and I don't have much time in which to explain it, so here are the highlights.

I have had to get a job

As some of you may know, I was made redundant in 2013.  I did not take it well.  Years I had spent with my previous employer, working hard, putting the hours in and I thought I was doing pretty well, then in June 2013 I was called in to a meeting with my manager and the big boss and was told, thanks for all the hard work, now there's the door.  It wasn't just me, there were several of us, but I was left angry, dazed and very confused.  After talking to my wife, we decided that we could afford for me to take a year off.  I would work on finishing my first MS and spend sometime with my two beautiful little girls.  I'm not going to lie people, it was an amazing year.  I got to watch my girls grow for a whole year with no interruptions, I got to know them as people as well as just a Dad.  Best time of my life and then as an added bonus, when they were at school I spent hours tirelessly working on my first story/book.

Well the year has passed and a deals a deal.  The savings took a battering and money was needed, so I went back to work.  I now work in a call centre, calling people, trying to flog them mobile phones.  If you get a call during your tea and it's someone telling you that they can get you a better deal on your phone, chances are it might be me.  I apologise in advance if you get the call, I hate doing it as much as you hate getting them, but I have a family to feed, sorry.  However it is also one hell of an incentive.  I detest it, it takes me out of all my comfort zones.  It's loud, it's very cut throat and you're made to feel worthless.  These places that are called 'call centres', but which I have now renamed as '21st century sweat shops' are foul places.  You are kept in check constantly and threatened regularly, where you're told if you don't sell you will be out the door.  Most of the people on the phones seem like good people, all they want is to make money for their families, and they go to these 'sweat shops' as a means to an end and because there seems to be very little else out there.  Honestly, if you've never worked in one, then you're lucky.  However I have managed to find one positive from the whole thing.  It has given me the drive to write with a sense of urgency I've never had before.  I don't want to be where I work, not because I don't want to work, but because I hate it, so when I get home after a 10 hour shift I get the old laptop out and write.

I am re-writing my story/book ...again

Every word I type, delete or edit gets me, in my mind, one step closer to leaving that place.  I've got to be honest, I thought it was ready, I even sent out enquiries to agents, 15 in total, and all of them were rejected.  That's okay though, I expected that, but it got me thinking, maybe I should read over it again, except this time I got my wife to read it out to me.  I was devastated.  It was to wordy, I repeated myself so much and well, it simply wasn't good enough.  If any of the agents I did send it to happen to read this, I apologise.  I wasted your time.  It simply wasn't goods enough.  But, and this I can now say with certainty, it will be next time.  I have a new perspective on what it is I need to do and how it needs to be done. 

I know it's a learning curve, it's the same with anything, it's just time that's seems to be the factor now.  Have I got enough?  How long will it take?  When will it be done?  These questions plague me every moment I'm away from my wife and kids.  I want to be a writer!  I WANT TO BE A WRITER!  And this might sound arrogant, but I believe I have it in me to be one, and doing a job I hate is helping me become one, a better one.  Last year I wrote in a previous blog post that -

It's the need to write that drives me, but it's the fear that often inspires me. 

And I mean this now more than ever.  I am terrified that I am going to spend whatever days I have left chained to a desk, in a role that I hate, an embarrassment to my wife and girls.  I will not do that, I can not do that.

So get ready life, fate, whatever you want to call it, I'm coming for you.  I will not be dictated to anymore.  I am far better than you would have me be and often have me believe, and to prove it I'm going to write and write and then write some more.  I will achieve that which at times seems impossible.  I will prove to myself and maybe others that I am more than they expected and I will no longer be the thing they want me to become.

Has anyone else out there ever used a negative factor in their life to produce a positive result?  I would like to hear from you if so.  It would be nice to hear from others who have become the person they want to be, instead of the person that others think you should be.  Please leave a comment, your words might help and inspire others who are struggling with life and the route it's pushing them down.

And with that said, I have an hour left to get some more writing done before I return to hell.  See you guys on the other side.
 
Stay cool people.

Pip  x

1 comment:

  1. Hi Pip;

    Great post you've written here and I wish you all the best with your work.

    Life is against a man having his say and you're having yours when writing here on your blog. That in itself is more than most will achieve. Your dreams inch closer each time you work at them and your blog demonstrates the commitment you've kept.

    I've faced a few setbacks over the years as I've struggled to make my way as a writer. As most have I make a habit of neither sharing nor acknowledging them. The desire to write and keep writing in spite of them is what convinced me to send you this message.

    You're doing it. If you stick with it you will arrive at your destination eventually. Don't quit. For if you stop you will never discover what it is that you have been seeking.

    For better or for worse I have persevered with my professional career in the arts for almost 30 years. Despite living the humble and often financially humiliating life of an artist there is nothing that could be offered for which I would trade what I have.

    My many creditors do not share this opinion.

    Keep on keeping on.

    Write.

    Avoid advice.

    A little talent and a lot of hard work will take you anywhere worth being.

    All the best,
    TFP

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